I'm so frustrated. I had to push myself hard for two days to get everything done. Then, the flair started. Friday my Midget was home (she only has school M-Th.) I sent the Hubs to work with the car, since I was unable to drive in the AM (we only have one car.) Then me and the Midget were stuck inside (it's freezing outside) all day, with me unable to move much.
I feel like such a failure on the days when I am unable to do anything beyond sitting on the couch with my daughter watching television.
Then it got worse. I was up too late last night, so this morning, I was unable to move from the bed until almost 11. I was not downstairs until almost noon. I was supposed to go to a meeting for the Makerspace that I'm a part of this afternoon. Even after I was able to get up and moving, I knew I would be unable to handle the project we were doing, and so let down one of my best friends, who is extremely upset with me now.
We then took the Midget to the "play space" at the Mall to let her get some time running around burning off energy. Just getting myself into the mall and finding a seat by where she was playing was exhausting. Just sitting there watching her play was all I could do.
The Hubs needed more work pants, so we stopped at one of the department stores on the way out, and Keeping the Midget entertained was more than I had left. I ended up finding a little nook, and curling up in it with the Midget and letting her use my tablet until the Hubs was done shopping.
I was literally curled up on the floor of a department store with my daughter.
I feel like this is slowly taking everything from me. I haven't been able to run in almost two weeks. I can't play with my daughter. I am completely unreliable. The Hubs has to shoulder an unreasonable amount of the housework.
I keep trying to tell myself that this is temporary, and for a good cause. It's hard remembering that now though. Maybe it will be easier once I actually get pregnant. Right now it just seems like I'm torturing myself and my family for no reason.
Just now, the Hubs got annoyed because I said I wouldn't be able to get our Daughter ready for bed. He said "You really need to start taking better care of yourself and getting to bed earlier."
And he's right. I know this entire day was my own fault, and it feels awful.
Saturday, December 17, 2016
Monday, December 12, 2016
Starting a fight with Fibro
I have been living with my Fibro diagnosis for a while now. Struggling to ignore my new reality, trying desperately to hold on to who I was before this stupid disease snuck it's way into my life.
Before my diagnosis, I was an avid runner, and a Martial Artist. I was trying to loose weight, and was making progress.
Since my diagnosis, it has gotten harder and harder to maintain a fitness schedule. I have a half marathon on my schedule in May. I have not been able to even finish week one of my training plan yet. I had just started adding in swimming to my schedule, but now, I haven't been able to do more than the bare minimum for weeks.
Part of this is because I am off my medication. We're trying to have a second child, and that requires me to be off my medication. I am definitely feeling the effects of not having my medication.
I am up in weight from where I started. I'm staring down the barrel of the dreaded 200, hovering right around 190 most of the time. As a relatively small framed woman, I'm 5'3" tall, this amount of weight is awful.
I'm sure it's contributing to my symptoms. Making movement harder and putting more stress on my body, but it's so hard to get any exercise when most days, just going up and down the stairs is too much for me.
The worst part is feeling like I can't talk about any of it, without sounding like a whiner. Other than the weight gain, I don't "Look Sick." I know, it could be so much worse, my Mother has M.S. so I know how bad it can be. Most days I get at least half the day of activity, but man, I am so sick of being out of shape.
So I'm going to keep this blog, and try to chronicle everything that I do to try to get my life back.
Fibro has me down, but I'm a fighter by nature.
I'm not done fighting yet.
Before my diagnosis, I was an avid runner, and a Martial Artist. I was trying to loose weight, and was making progress.
Since my diagnosis, it has gotten harder and harder to maintain a fitness schedule. I have a half marathon on my schedule in May. I have not been able to even finish week one of my training plan yet. I had just started adding in swimming to my schedule, but now, I haven't been able to do more than the bare minimum for weeks.
Part of this is because I am off my medication. We're trying to have a second child, and that requires me to be off my medication. I am definitely feeling the effects of not having my medication.
I am up in weight from where I started. I'm staring down the barrel of the dreaded 200, hovering right around 190 most of the time. As a relatively small framed woman, I'm 5'3" tall, this amount of weight is awful.
I'm sure it's contributing to my symptoms. Making movement harder and putting more stress on my body, but it's so hard to get any exercise when most days, just going up and down the stairs is too much for me.
The worst part is feeling like I can't talk about any of it, without sounding like a whiner. Other than the weight gain, I don't "Look Sick." I know, it could be so much worse, my Mother has M.S. so I know how bad it can be. Most days I get at least half the day of activity, but man, I am so sick of being out of shape.
So I'm going to keep this blog, and try to chronicle everything that I do to try to get my life back.
Fibro has me down, but I'm a fighter by nature.
I'm not done fighting yet.
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